Guidance in talking to your child about tragedy

Dr. Garry Landreth, director of UNT's Center for Play Therapy, says a parent’s role is very important in the way a child deals with a tragedy and suggested some general guidelines to help children deal with any tragedy.

• Children should not be allowed to watch the events on TV including scenes or interviews with the victims. Landreth says repeated exposure to the television images burns the event into the child’s mind. Parents should be aware of the images and commentary their children are exposed to.

• Parents should openly talk to children about what has happened in words that are appropriate for the child’s age or development. Use terms that are common in the child’s vocabulary, like "scary."

• Listen to questions and be responsive to the child’s feelings. Answer his or her questions truthfully. For example, say "Yes, I am scared, and I understand that you are, too."

• For children who already know about the event, provide activities to divert their attention. Children should not be allowed to reflect on the event for a long period of time because their thoughts can be scary as well. Parents should be actively involved and provide play activities or games.

• It can be very helpful to the child if parents schedule a special play session with the child, allowing the child to act out his or her feelings. Landreth suggests using a few toys such as an airplane, small figures, building blocks to stack, cars, and even a medical kit so the child can play out the events. It is important that the parent doesn’t guide the child’s play but allows him or her to work through the event through play. The child will play out what adults would talk out with verbalization. Toys are like children's words, and play is their language.