Belinda Newman
UNT Ombuds
Chilton Hall,
Suite 140

To schedule an appointment:
Phone: 940-369-8166
Fax: 940-369-8119
Email: ombuds@unt.edu

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Welcome to the Ombuds Blog!

Oh, About that Evaluation…

It’s that time of year again – the annual performance evaluation.  Are you one who looks forward to the time to dialogue with your supervisor/employee about the past year’s performance?  Or, do you dread and agonize over the impending mandatory meeting?   You may not want to hear this, but the reality is you do choose your attitude for this meeting.  Regardless if you are giving or receiving the evaluation your attitude is your decision.

For those who look forward to the meeting, it often is related to a positive relationship that is built on trust, honesty, and respect.  Or, it could be that the employee is considered one of the supervisor’s “favorite” employees and feels no need to be concerned.  I won’t even attempt to cover all the possible reasons that lead an employee to be a favorite over another employee.  One, because that is another discussion entirely of its own, secondly, it usually entails more illogical than logical thinking (depending on the perceiver).

To make the evaluation process as productive and satisfying for all parties concerned, it is helpful to focus on the purpose.  For the supervisor, it is an opportunity to provide constructive feedback about how the employee is progressing towards and accomplishing previously agreed upon goals.  Although some people (on both sides of the process) get confused at this point, the purpose of the process is not about how you like or dislike the other person.  If this seems to be the case, then I encourage one or both parties to avail themselves, either individually or collectively, to the resources available to facilitate the management and resolution of conflicts. Being able to separate the person from the problem is often difficult but necessary to achieve a fair, respectful, and useful evaluation.  If you feel the need or desire to discuss some issues with candor and “tough love” there is assistance to prepare for the conversation in the form of coaching.  These resources (Ombuds Office, Human Resources) are applicable to both employee and supervisor.

The performance evaluation process is really about assessing and making progress towards workplace and professional goals and communicating in a way that is beneficial to each party and the common good of the organization – avoid choosing to make it about something it’s not.

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The Gift of Civility- Revisited

Last year about this time I penned my first “Omblog” on the topic of civility.  In that initial blog I proposed that even in a down economy there still are some gifts that would not hit you in the pocketbook.  One financially free option was (and still is) the gift of civility.  I’ll let you decide if you think the economic conditions have improved since last year.  Nevertheless, here are ten additional rules from P.M. Forney’s book, Choosing Civility, which might contribute to your happiness as well as those around you.

1. Be Inclusive
   “Being inclusive means applying the principles of respect for persons to all persons.  When it comes time to show respect and consideration to others, we do not pick and choose.”

2. Don’t Speak Ill
   “It is less demanding and less painful to point out other people’s problems---real or imaginary—than to try to solve our own.”
   

3. Accept and Give Praise
   “Surveys of opinion have shown over and over again that employees rank appreciation and recognition at the top of their lists of motivating factors in the workplace.”

4. Respect Even a Subtle “No”
   “One of the fundamental principles of decent behavior is to care enough for others not to make our problems theirs.”
   

5. Keep It down (and Rediscover Silence)
   “We often surround ourselves with chatter and sundry sounds because we don’t want to be alone with our thoughts.  While noise takes us away from ourselves, through silence we build bridges to our own souls.”

6. Respect Other People’s Space
   “One of the most elementary ways of being considerate is by respecting personal space.”

7. Be a Considerate Guest
   “Not abusing the property of others (or of the community) is one of the ways in which we respect others.  It is an essential part of being considerate guests, no matter where we are:  in an airplane, in a friend’s home, in a movie theater, in a doctor’s office, in a public library, or in a public square.”

8. Don’t Ask Personal Questions
   “A good conversationalist makes the most of the information his or her companions volunteer.” 

9. Apologize Earnestly
   “Perfection not being of this world, however, apologies remains one of the most valuable resources of the fair and the considerate.”

10. Listen – (Yes, it’s a repeat from last year, but it never gets old or easier)
    “What prevents us from doing a good job of listening is that instead of focusing on other people, we focus on ourselves and our own needs.”

Have a safe and enjoyable holiday!

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Fairness- in the Eye of the Beholder?

In my work the word “fairness” (or lack thereof) comes up often in discussions. What is fairness, why is it so difficult, and why is it important?  A quick trip to Dictionary.com produces the definition: ”Fair implies the treating of all sides alike, justly and equitably.” Well that doesn’t sound too unrealistic to achieve.  However, when I read the following quotes on fairness—one from Eleanor Roosevelt, the other from Oscar Wilde—they do appear to have different perspectives on the concept of fairness and what it might look like it:

“It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself.” Eleanor Roosevelt

“One should always play fair when one has the winning cards.” Oscar Wilde

The funny thing about fairness is how it’s analogous to the saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”  What seems like fairness to one doesn’t necessarily pass muster for another. The obvious or blatant examples may get agreement, but it is in the micro-inequities of life that things become a little murkier.

So, is fairness situational?  What factors dictate perceptions of fairness?  Is it ethics or moral compass?  Does it matter if I am the giver or receiver?  Does it matter more how others around are behaving?

Bill Gates is quoted saying, “Life is not fair; get used to it.”  Although I have never personally met the man I believe he like most people when asked would say that he would like to be perceived as a fair person. Moreover very few people I’ve encountered ever say they prefer to be treated unfairly when given the choice.

I believe fairness is an extremely important aspect of a civil and respectful society (and organization). According to organizational justice research, people are more satisfied with outcomes or results when they perceive that the process used was fair. This is true even when the outcome was less desirable, but the process was perceived as fair. While we cannot control people’s perception of fairness, there are things we can do that have been shown to contribute positively to perceptions of fairness. Tom Tyler has done extensive research on the topic of organizational justice. He suggests the following principles as critical factors of fair process:

• Transparency
• People have a voice (before decision is made)
• Understandable reasons
• Process is respectful
• Process is reasonably consistent
• Process is ethical

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Freedom

One of my favorite things about the month of July is the July 4th holiday and the ensuing celebration of freedom in our country.  It is also a reminder that freedom is never really free.  There are always costs associated with it.  These costs always involve significant sacrifices, if not lives.

In our daily lives and specifically in the workplace we are “free to act” as we choose.  But, here too there are costs and consequences for our freedom.  As discussed in last month’s Omblog, we own 100% of our attitude.   When faced with a situation, it is our freedom to decide what our attitude and response will be about the situation.  We may not have absolute control over our thinking and feelings, but we do have the freedom to choose our response to them. 

When dealing with an issue or concern in the workplace, we are free to:

• Speak up or speak out
• Be silent or refrained
• Ask questions
• Pursue due process options
• Think and act strategically when handling the political aspects

All our actions have consequences.  Some may have a negative impact or result and some may have a positive impact or result, but we are free to choose your actions and responses.

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Giving and Receiving Feedback

Giving and receiving feedback, whether it is during an annual evaluation or periodically during the year, does not have to be a painful or demeaning process.  Diane Levin, attorney and mediator, reminds us that the purpose of feedback is “an opportunity to build a relationship and trust with someone else.”  In her blog, “Seeing ourselves as others see us: the art of feedback”, she suggest seven tips for artfully giving feedback.

When you are the receiver of feedback, recognize it as an opportunity for improvement and taking on future challenges.  Communications typically include a content message and a relationship message.  When trust is lacking in a relationship, it is easy to ignore the content of the message and to be overly focused on assuming or guessing the person’s motivation.  Tips to help the receiver of feedback make the most of the opportunity include:

*http://mediationchannel.com/2007/03/13seeing -ourselves-as-others-see-us-the-art-of-feedback/ by Diane Levin on March 13,2007

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When Trust Is Broken

In her book The Mind and Heart of the Negotiator, author Leigh L. Thompson describes a ten-step process for repairing broken trust in relationships.

Step 1: Suggest a Personal Meeting
Verbal explanations are more effective than written, especially when the topic is of a sensitive or emotional nature.

Step 2: Put the Focus on the Relationship
Trust is present in the first place because there is a relationship.  What is most important is the relationship, and efforts towards saving it.

Step 3: Apologize
Apologize for the actions/behavior that led to the broken trust and accept responsibility.  “No one should underestimate the power of the spoken word, especially when it contains an apology.”

Step 4: Let Them Vent
Venting is part of the healing process.  People need to express the emotions caused by the actions so they can move beyond this point.

Step 5: Do Not Get Defensive
Avoid the need to be self-defensive.  Allow the person to vent and tell their side of the story.  After carefully and fully listening to the other person’s perspective you may share your perspective of the events.

Step 6: Ask for Clarifying Information
Ask for information to clarify your understanding (without getting defensive).  "Test” the accuracy of your understanding of what they have told you by paraphrasing and summarizing.

Step 7: Test Your Understanding
When the person feels his/her concerns are understood they are likely to be more open to continuing the discussion and restoring the relationship.

Step 8: Formulate a Plan
Along with an apology, it is useful to ask “what you can do” to make amends.  Most important is to keep any promises made.

Step 9: Think About Ways to Prevent a Future Problem
Lessons learned.  What can you learn from this situation that may cause you to do things differently in the future?

Step 10: Do a Relationship Check-up
Many times we fail to follow up on the conversation.  It is helpful to do a “check-in” later to see how feelings have evolved and mended.  Decide on a time to follow up with each other. During the future visit you can check on the progress of the trust recovery.  Are there issues/emotions that still need to be addressed?

Relationships are hard work. But, like most things of value in our lives, relationships and the people involved are worth the effort.

Source: The Mind and Heart of the Negotiator, 3rd edition. Pearson/Prentice Hall NJ 2005. Leigh L. Thompson.

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“Coaching” Yourself for (the Next) Promotion

There are many types of coaching opportunities available to assist people in both their work and personal lives.  To name of few, there is conflict coaching, life/personal coaching, performance coaching, transitional coaching, and developmental coaching.  Each of these coaching models is designed to help people with a specific issue or goal for improvement (e.g., interpersonal conflict, job promotion, and early success in a new job).

Developmental coaching is a coaching method typically used for individuals identified as high potential performers or leaders who want to develop a plan for promotion.  The coaching process serves to facilitate the person’s preparation for future job promotion or career succession.  The process of developmental coaching provides an opportunity to appraise where the person is in their current job and to assess the knowledge gaps and potential challenges to be addressed in achieving a successful advancement.   A developmental coach will encourage the person to identify particular areas of strength and challenges in their current job.  For example, if a faculty member desires to be a department chair in the future, or an associate director/associate dean wants to eventually move to a director/dean position, what are the skills and experiences needed to be successful in the next job?  What are the person’s greatest leadership strengths and what will be their greatest growth challenges?  The coach will assist in examining the requisite skills and challenges characterizing the future job opportunity and contrast those with the present job situation.

The coach helps identify concerns about the perceived and actual challenges and obstacles to being successful in the future position.  Also, the coach will help identify 2 – 3 key objectives for improvement, facilitate the development of an action plan to address the key objectives, and determine agreed upon success measures.  Frequently, activities within these plans are created so the person has an opportunity to practice in real situations in the workplace to further develop and improve the identified skill sets.  The coach will meet periodically with the person to follow-up and provide feedback on their progress in meeting the goals, and to revise or create new activities as needed to successfully achieve the developmental goals.

In the developmental coaching process it is helpful if there is a supervisor or mentor supportive of the targeted promotion and that is willing to participate in identifying areas for improvement and development.  Also, it is helpful to get additional objective perspectives from colleagues and other key stakeholders about the person’s strengths and weaknesses (or areas in need of improvement).

Regardless if you choose to use a coach, nothing prevents you from using techniques from a coaching model to help yourself.

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Focus on the Problem Not the Person
Focus on the problem not the person is a phrase well known by people in the dispute resolution field.  What does that mean for use in daily practical terms?   How often have you found that the person you are in conflict with becomes the target of your ire instead of the actual problem or issue causing the conflict?  When asked for a description of the problem the response is typically a character description of the person - he/she is being power hungry, control freak, unreasonable, sarcastic, unreliable, single-minded, and so forth.   You encourage the person to pinpoint the offending behavior or action of the person, but they are unable or unwilling to look past the personality of the offender.

The danger in this scenario is in allowing the situation to become an intractable conflict, where both parties absolutely refuse to consider that the actual conflict can be resolved.  Contributing to this phenomenon is an escalating need to be right.  The parties fall into a trap that being right is more important than the relationship.

To avoid this trap, re-orient your thinking about the situation.  Stay focused on the problem(s) causing the conflict.  Begin by identifying the issue in conflict.  Utilize joint problem-solving by inviting the other person to work with you in identifying multiple options for resolution.  Work to identify your interests as well as theirs.  The goal is to come to a mutually satisfactory solution/agreement, not on being right.

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Are You Really Listening?
The saying seek first to understand, then to be understood especially applies when you find yourself in conflict with another person.  Seems impossible, but the next time you find yourself in a heated conflict step back and begin to listen to your opponent rather than argue your position.  Yes, listening can help remove the communication barricade the two of you built.  In fact listening has proven to be one of the most effective communication tools in conflict.  Deep or genuine listening is both a skill and a discipline that is not easy to master, but can be learned.

Genuine listening helps to transform the conflict.  Trust is at the core of most conflicts and listening helps to build trust which typically is damaged or absent in conflicts. Listening prevents you from making the other person the enemy or the target of your emotions.  Listening communicates to the other person that you care and that they matter.  Regardless if you view their opinion as wrong, you are communicating that they have a voice and a right to have an opinion.

Brian Muldoon, author of The Power of Listening and founder of communications website http://www.workwithheart.com explains,

It is not necessary that we agree or sympathize with our enemy, but it is foolish not to understand him, when we cut ourselves off from our natural tendency to feel compassion for others, including our enemy, we reduce our effectiveness because we insulate ourselves from valuable information.  Conflict polarizes us, so it is not surprising that we rarely see the whole picture.  

He states furthermore that it is during these times that it is all the more important to try to understand the other person through listening.  This enables us to see the whole picture of the situation rather than a distorted view as seen through our emotions and sense of rightness.  Deep listening may not remove the points or issues of disagreement, but it can help to temper the emotions.

I know for myself that I am much more adept at dealing with conflict when I am operating from a rational mindset as opposed to a reactive one.  People communicating from a reactive or emotional position during conflict tend to shut down or escalate. Listening enables us to move from the reactive to the reflective brain.

Why is it so difficult to listen?  I have observed that as humans we seem to have some innate response to defend, argue, or justify our position before we can discipline ourselves to listen to the other person.  I also have observed that when people are willing to listen thoughtfully, reflectively, and patiently to the other person – minds and hearts open and true communication begins.

So, the next time you find yourself in a conflict – ask yourself – Are you really listening?

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The Gift of Civility
The current state of the economy is causing many people to curtail their spending this holiday season.  While your gift list might be shorter than previous years, there are some gifts like joy, happiness, and good cheer that you can give without spending any of our precious dollars.

Another “no cost” gift is the gift of civility.  In his book, Choosing Civility, P. M. Forney writes twenty-five rules of “considerate conduct.”  Here are ten rules that I believe will contribute substantially to our lives both at work and home, and especially during the holiday season.

Happy holidays!