Concision, Clarity, and Cohesion

In order to ensure that your readers can understand your message, you should create sentences that are concise, clear, and cohesive. Follow these guidelines to improve concision, clarity, and cohesion in your sentences.

Concision

Concise writing is short, direct writing that communicates its intended message without inflated or unnecessary words or phrases.

Unnecessary Phrases

Often, writers use words or phrases that are unnecessary. Try eliminating some of these words and phrases from your writing (Sims 227):

As a matter of fact
I believe
I hope
In my opinion
In other words
I should point out
I think
It is essential
It is evident
It is interesting to note
The fact that
There are, there is
To the extent that

Wordy Phrases

Shorten many “that,” who,” and “which” clauses into possessive phrases:

Wordy The bike that was blue, which belonged to Carol, was stolen.
Concise Carol’s blue bike was stolen.

Replace these wordy phrases with concise alternatives (Sims 225-226):

Wordy	Concise
a limited number of	a few (or the specific number)
a majority of	most (or the specific number)
at a later time/date	later
at the conclusion of	after, following
at this point and time	now, currently
concerning the matter of	about
despite the fact that	although, even though
due to the fact that	because
have the ability/capacity/capability to	can
in accordance with your request	as you requested
in connection with	about, concerning
in reference/regard to	about
in the event that	if, when
in the near future	soon
in this day and age	today, now
in view of the fact that	because
is able to/in a position to	can
it is crucial/important/necessary that	must, should
notwithstanding the fact that	although
on a weekly/daily/yearly basis	weekly/daily/yearly
take into consideration	consider
until such time as	until
with reference/regard/respect to	about

Redundant Pairs

Writers sometimes use pairs of words which are redundant, in which one word will imply the other and therefore only one word in the pair is necessary. Watch for these redundant pairs in your writing and eliminate one of the words in the pair (Sims 222):

Advice and counsel
Agreeable and satisfactory
Any and all
Assist and help
Basic and fundamental
Due and payable
Each and every
Fair and equitable
Fair and reasonable
First and foremost
Full and complete
Help and benefit
Help and cooperation
Hope and trust
Null and void
Opinion and belief
Prompt and immediate
Thought and consideration
True and accurate

Vague, “Do-Nothing” Sentences

Writers often begin and end their paragraphs with vague, “do-nothing” sentences, which do nothing to advance the author’s purpose.

Improve or remove vague sentences like these:

The author uses many devices in his poem to express a couple of ideas.
The characters display their various traits as they interact in several ways.
The conclusion of the story shows us the author’s viewpoint.

Nominalizations

Nominalizations are verbs that are being used as nouns, and they are often wordy.

Eliminate nominalizations from your writing by rephrasing them as verbs:
Wordy The executives issued an announcement regarding the new program that resulted in an increase in productivity.
Concise The executives announced a program that increased productivity.

Practice

Take one of your own essays. Pick a long paragraph and eliminate all its wordy phrases, redundant pairs, and unnecessary “that,” who,” and “which” clauses. Try to make the paragraph half as long as it was before.

Example Paragraph

Wordy
The author of the poem illustrated various differences between the characters. The poem, which was a romantic poem, showed that each individual character was sort of devious in the way in which he or she did things and behaved. The two characters in the poem, who were named Jim and Dwight, were never definitely and completely honest with each other, which led to the final outcome of them being unhappy. This outcome, which was undesirable, is designed in a way to show the readers just exactly how the author feels about lying and deceit.

Concise
The romantic poem showed that its characters were devious. Jim and Dwight, the poem’s two characters, were never honest with each other and ended up unhappy. This undesirable outcome shows the readers how the author feels about lying.

Clarity

Clear writing is writing without ambiguities that directly communicates its intended message to the reader.

Active Voice

The active voice is clearer than the passive voice. The passive voice can be wordy and vague because it emphasizes what is being done to an object rather than what an actor is doing.

Sometimes you can eliminate the passive voice by rearranging the sentence:
Passive The computer was being repaired by Cody.
Active Cody was repairing the computer.

Other times you must add an actor to eliminate the passive voice:
Passive A decision was reached to begin implementation of the new plan.
Active The committee decided to implement the new plan.

Positive Over Negative

Positive language is clearer (and often more concise) than negative language.

Use positive instructions rather than negative restrictions whenever possible:
Negative He asked that no one forget to bring their tickets.
Positive He reminded everyone to bring their tickets.

Avoid using multiple negative phrases:
Multiple Negatives Less attention is paid to employees who lack confidence.
Positive People pay more attention to employees with confidence.

Cohesion

Cohesive writing is writing that moves smoothly between topics and effectively uses transitions.

Transitions

Transitions are words that signal connections between ideas. They are cues to your reader and, when used effectively, will smoothly link your writing together. See Transitions for more information.

Abrupt Celia’s wedding will take place on March 3. The bridesmaids’ dresses are not ready yet. The wedding planner is worried.
Smooth Celia’s wedding will take place on March 3. However, the bridesmaids’ dresses are not ready yet. Therefore, the wedding planner is worried.

Parallelism

Parallelism is using the same pattern of words to show that two or more ideas have the same level of importance. See Parallel Structure for more information.

Not Parallel Michael likes to make sales calls, cooking, and when he sees Holly.
Parallel Michael likes making sales calls, cooking, and seeing Holly.

Old/New Pattern

Within your paragraphs, you should begin with “old” information (that is, information your reader is already familiar with), and from there you should move on to “new” information (information your reader has not seen yet). The easiest way to do this is to begin each new sentence with a word or phrase that you have previously used in the paragraph.

In the example below, note that the paragraph without the old/new pattern has a new subject (PIN, bank, company) for each sentence, while the paragraph with the old/new pattern keeps the same subject (PIN) throughout.

No Old/New Pattern
Your Personal Identification Number (PIN) should arrive within three days after the card. The bank currently does not have the software to allow cardholders to personalize their PINs. The company selected a four-digit number for your PIN (Sims 186).

Correct Old/New Pattern
Your Personal Identification Number (PIN) should arrive within three days after the card. Your PIN is a four-digit number that the bank has selected for you. Your PIN cannot be personalized because the bank currently does not have the software to allow cardholders to personalize their PINs (Sims 186).

Works Cited

Sims, Brenda. Technical Communication. Kendall Hunt, 2009. Print.