Style Exercises
Sentence Variety
A. Combine the following simple sentences into compound, complex, or compound-complex sentences using coordinating and subordinating conjunctions.
Example: I got up late this morning. I did not get enough sleep.
Revised: I got up late this morning because I did not get enough sleep.
Lack of manpower was significant to the South's defeat in the Civil War.
Rampant hunger throughout the South was also significant to the South's defeat.
In 1861, the general population in Georgia was evenly split between cooperationists and separatists.
The delegates to the final convention voted for secession.
The majority of the delegates were slaveholders.
The Confederacy had a high desertion rate.
They also had a general lack of interest in enlisting.
The Confederacy instituted the first National Draft Act in the spring of 1862.
The provisions of the draft act were advantageous to the wealthy landowners.
The Civil War itself also benefited the wealthy.
Hunger throughout the South during the Civil War was commonplace.
The wealthy planters emphasized growing cotton rather than food.
Planters became ever wealthier through smuggling.
They did not grow sufficient grains and vegetables to feed Confederate soldiers.
By 1863, two-thirds of the Confederate Army had deserted.
Many dissenters hid out in the mountains and swamps.
Most southerners were not wealthy planters.
Many were also uninterested in secession.
Thousands of southerners served in the Union Army.
By 1865, ninety percent of Confederate soldiers had abandoned their duties.
Most were starving and unpaid.
They found their families in similarly desperate situations.
Using Normal Language
Revise the following sentences to replace inflated language with more everyday language.
Example: Please inquire if we can facilitate your future computer necessities.
Revised: Let us know if we can help with your future computer needs.
My initial day of teaching was comparable to a car collision in that I recollect everything preceding it, but after that, the particulars are a little ambiguous.
For instance, I see in my mind's eye walking into my classroom on the preliminary day of school roughly an hour prior to the class's commencement.
The room was unfilled, so I ambled to the instructor's desk in the front of the room and sat, discounting my body's avowal that I was in the incorrect seat.
I withdrew my roll sheet, the syllabus my pupils would peruse that day, and two writing implements.
Subsequent to nearly forty-five minutes of alternately pausing at the lectern and sitting in close proximity to the desk, I had to decide: lectern or chair?
I initially selected the lectern, but when the students entered and secured their seats, I became aware that I could either stand or converse, but not both.
I modified my decision and repositioned to the chair.
Following fifteen minutes of examining the roll and interpreting the syllabus, my undertaking was accomplished.
And as effortlessly as that, I was an educationalist.
Chapter Three Style Exercises: Keeping Actor and Action Together
Revise the following sentences to keep the actor close to the action. For some sentences, you might need to create two sentences from the original.
Example: The cat, whose owner had gone out of town, got stuck on the roof.
Revised: The cat got stuck on the roof while its owner was out of town.
Thomas Edison, who maintained a winter home in Fort Myers, Florida next to Henry Ford, was both a scientist and an inventor.
Edison's most famous invention, although he is credited with more than a thousand inventions including the phonograph, was the incandescent light bulb.
Edison's light bulb, which contained an incandescent filament, brought a reliable light source to a world which had previously relied on candles and the sun to provide it with light.
Edison, who was born in 1847, is quoted as saying, "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration."
Even at his winter home, which has one of the country's first in-ground swimming pools, Thomas Edison maintained a laboratory and staff so that he could work on his inventions all year long.
Today's generations, most of whom cannot imagine a world without light bulbs, will be forever indebted to Thomas Edison.
Chapter Four Style Exercises: Using Active Voice
Revise the sentences in the following passage from passive to active voice. You might need to supply an actor in some sentences.
Example: The child was taken to the doctor once a month.
Revised: The father took his child to the doctor once a month.
A desire to lose weight has been expressed at some point by nearly all women, but for clinically obese men and women with fifty or more pounds to be lost, the desire can easily become an obsession. Dangerous attempts at rapid weight loss are often used by those with an intense desire to lose weight. Society's warped norms regarding thinness can be found in any fashion magazine, and the desire to conform is often overwhelming for women.
Despite the poor example provided by the fashion world, steps should be taken by clinically obese people and by people wishing to live more healthy lives. As with anyone, a more healthy diet can be achieved by reducing the amount of fast food and sweets that are eaten. In addition, a simple exercise regimen, such as walking three or four times a week, can be introduced, and will help achieve weight loss. Strength and metabolism will be increased, and cholesterol and blood pressure will be decreased with a few simple changes in diet and exercise.
The benefits of weight loss can be seen not just in the mirror but at the doctor's office as well, and these benefits will last as long as the good habits do.
Chapter Five Style Exercises: Similes and Metaphors
A. Identify whether the following statements contain similes, metaphors, or neither.
Example: It's as hot as an oven in here. Simile
When the internet exploded into the technological scene in the 1990's no one could adequately predict how much it would change our world.
Once primarily a source of information exchange used by the U.S. government, this worldwide web of information soon became accessible to millions in the public sector.
Many people, when first experiencing the internet, felt like kids on Christmas with a new toy.
Though at first many could not envision how the internet would be relevant to their daily lives, the new technology soon became a necessity that equaled or eclipsed their need for automobiles and microwaves.
Optimists saw the internet as a way to bring to world closer together, to reach out and touch those across the street and across the world.
It was a world of difference from the snickering responses many people had when "futurist" Alvin Toffler first predicted such results in 1980.
People at the time likened him to those who predicted humans would all soon travel by flying cars and colonize the moon.
But with new technology come new obstacles, including the ever-increasing gulf between the haves and the have-nots, as well as new attempts to keep up with the Joneses.
While Toffler proved mostly right in his predictions, we have not yet seen the world living in harmony that he assumed would accompany the new technology.
Chapter Six Style Exercises: Repetition
Look for repetition in the following sentences. Determine whether the repetition necessary or unnecessary. Write okay if you determine the repetition to be necessary, and revise the sentence if you determine that the repetition is useless.
Example: Felicia and Rovelin chased Felicia's cat all over the house. Okay
Alcoholism is the collective term used to describe two different disorders, alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence.
Alcohol abuse refers to using alcohol over and over again even when its use leads to problems at work, home, or with the law.
Alcohol dependence refers to alcohol use that leads to tolerance, as marked by the need for increased and elevated alcohol consumption and repeatedly trying to control drinking over and over again.
This use of alcohol continues despite persistent physical, psychological, or mental problems either caused or contributed to by alcohol.
Alcoholism is quite common in the general population of the American public.
Alcoholism has also been shown to be genetically linked to one's parents, although social and environmental factors certainly contribute to its onset and development.
This genetic risk for developing alcoholism persists even when children of alcoholics are brought up and raised, through adoption, by a non-alcoholic family.
Alcoholism is a lifelong disease from which one never fully recovers; however, it can be treated once it has been diagnosed.
Of the one and a half million people who enter substance abuse treatment facilities each year, nearly fifty percent—over 700,000—are alcoholics.
The treatment therapy for alcohol dependence involves abstinence, relapse prevention, and rehabilitation.
Abstinence for those dependent on alcohol begins with an initial detoxification process, which is often accompanied by withdrawal symptoms.
After detoxification, the "recovering alcoholic" must try to strive for a sober lifestyle, which often involves psychosocial treatments such as attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.
While relapsing back into alcohol abuse is frequently a characteristic of the recovery process, recovering alcoholics still must maintain their sobriety if they wish to live as normal a life as possible.
Using Old/New Order
Identify the topic and comment of each sentence in the passage below. Determine if the sentences use an old—new order, and rearrange information to create coherence where necessary.
Example: Sacramento is the capital of California. All the laws of the state of California originate in the state legislature in Sacramento.
Revised: Sacramento is the capital of California. In Sacramento, California's state legislators work to create all their state's laws.
The Guinness Book of World Records keeps records on virtually every aspect of society, from the impressive to the merely odd. Our fascination with art and artistic endeavors has led to just one of the hundreds of records categories kept by Guinness. You can find the record for the "most valuable painting by an anonymous artist" under the art category, for example. Departure of the Argonauts holds the record in this field. Painted in approximately 1487, this work of art sold for 6.7 million dollars in 1989. Perhaps you're interested in knowing what the "most valuable sculpture" is (Three Graces), or the "biggest sculpture" (Stone Mountain). "Whose works have been stolen more than any other's?" you might also wonder. Pablo Picasso holds this unfortunate record. "Most auction sales" and "most valuable 20th century painting" also go to the revered Spanish painter. But in case your curiosity leans more toward the odd, Guinness also divulges the "most valuable Spice Girls' costume." You'll just have to look that one up yourself.
Conciseness
Revise the following sentences to eliminate repetition, fillers, and unnecessary phrases and create more concise sentences.
Example: Most people really enjoy vacationing in The Big Apple, New York City.
Revised: Most people enjoy vacationing in New York City.
Many parents are highly concerned about the terrible effects of excessive movie and television violence on their young children.
Most of the violence in children's movies is perpetrated almost exclusively by a clear-cut "bad guy," or by funny cartoon animals or adorable children trying to thwart them.
However, the extreme violence is often completely unnecessary and sends a terribly bad message to children: the way to resolve problems in their lives is by escalating the conflict to a higher level.
In one particular children's movie, a young child is accidentally left at home all alone by his careless parents and must defend his home against ruthless burglars.
The clever boy uses everything he can find from booby traps to homemade explosive devices to try to ward off the very persistent crooks.
Many of the incredibly violent techniques he uses, such as slamming an entire paint can into the face of one of the unlucky robbers, would certainly have killed the man or at least left him badly injured or hospitalized in real life.
In this movie, however, the men cannot seem to help but continue returning for more and more punishment.
A simple solution would have been for the otherwise intelligent child to call the police department or a friendly neighbor for help in getting rid of the robbers.
The unwarranted violence used in this movie, while most likely enormously fun for adolescents and children to fantasize about--single-handedly defending their families' homes against grown-up bad guys--would probably lead children to become increasingly desensitized to violence in general and give them an unrealistic view of its awful effects.
While violence in the movies is often used for different reasons in different contexts, the long-lasting effects of it on highly susceptible young children is probably far more dangerous than it is on adults, who are generally better able to discern true reality from movie or television fantasy.
Levels of Formality
Below are two letters of differing levels of formality. After reading each letter, revise them so that their formality levels are appropriate for the recipient and content.
Dear Mother and Father,
I am writing to you with the intention that I may alert you to the particulars of my first week here at university. My classes are all going splendidly well, and my professors seem benevolent but strict. The food and service in the cafeteria leave something to be desired, but that was to be expected, was it not? I have made quite a few acquaintances here in the dormitory, and some of us played a rousing game of Frisbee just last evening. They are all quite jocular. I eagerly anticipate attending a certain party that I was invited to next weekend. But despair not, dear parents. I don't anticipate staying very long, as my first examination in Political Science will be administered the following Monday. Studying is imperative if I plan to do well in all my coursework. So fare thee well for now, and I shall speak with you on the telephone soon.
Your devoted son,
Chuggy
Mr. Boss-man,
Hey, what's up? I'm Kenny Moore, and I heard you guys needed a fact-checker at your paper. I'm pretty good at checking facts, so I figured I'd see if I could get the job. Now I know you guys probably want some grown-up or something like that who's done stuff like this before, but I want you to know that I'd be really good at it. I mean, like I have to check facts for my school stuff all the time, like for every paper I have to write. See, I learn stuff pretty quick, and I know it wouldn't take two seconds for me to learn to be the kind of fact-checker you guys are wanting. Even though I haven't done it before. Like, at my last job, I'd never even worked a cash register before, but I learn ed how to do that really fast, and they made me night manager after only two months! So anyway, I hope you'll give me a shot, ‘cause I know you'd be happy once you see how great I am at the job. For real.
Peace,
Kenny (aka "K-Mo")
Using Qualifiers
Read the following sentences and select the more appropriate qualifier of the two choices within the parentheses. If neither qualifier is appropriate, write in a more appropriate choice.
Example: (All, Some) people really can't stand dogs. Some
Mahatma Gandhi became famous for using passive resistance in his quest for improving the lives of (only, all) Indians.
Gandhi believed that the native people of India deserved to govern themselve s and live (somewhat, completely) free from colonial rule.
Gandhi encouraged Indians to remove their children from public schools, to sit in the streets in protest, and to disobey (unfair, all) colonial laws.
(Some in, All of) the British government decided that these actions were revolutionary, and hundreds of Indians were killed for their protests.
Gandhi would (often, always) fast to protest unfair treatment by the British such as unfair imprisonment.
The British government knew that if Gandhi starved to death while in jail, (many of, none of) the people of India would retaliate.
Although Gandhi practiced nonviolent civil disobedience, (some of, all of) the other protestors began using violent techniques, much to his dismay.
In 1930, Gandhi began a 250-mile march to protest against a salt tax that the British had levied against (several, any) Indians who purchased salt.
Over the years, Gandhi and his followers began to have some success in their protests, even though they continued to be jailed for (all of, some of) their actions.
In 1947, India finally gained independence from colonial rule, and (few, all) people throughout the world looked to Gandhi as a great leader.
Even though Gandhi was assassinated a year later, the nonviolent techniques he developed were (often, always) emulated by others seeking their own civil rights.
Negative Language
Use your own paper to revise the following memo to replace negative language with language that is more positive.
Example: Do not use the side door entrance after 8:00 p.m.
Revised: Use the front door entrance after 8:00 p.m.
Memorandum
To: All RJP Employees
From: Management
Date: June 06, 2004
Re: Employee Break room
It has come to the attention of management that many employees are not cleaning up behind themselves after using the employee break room This break room is not intended for the use of only a few employees; it is for everyone. No one can enjoy his or her time in the break room when there is trash lying around. Further, the custodians don't come in until after hours, and they should not have to spend their time cleaning up after adults. Management will no longer tolerate laziness on the part of the employees who use the break room without cleaning up behind themselves. Therefore, the following policies will be implemented so that no one has to endure a messy break room experience:
No one is to leave trash on the tables or floor after taking a break
Employees caught doing so will not be allowed to use the break room for a period of three consecutive days
Anyone who doesn't wish to help clean up the break room is asked to take his or her break outside the property of RJP grounds
Employees who cannot follow these new break room rules will soon find themselves without jobs
There will be no further notification regarding these rules
Management apologizes for the necessity of this strict new policy, but prior requests for cleanliness have not been heeded. Do not hesitate to share your further suggestions with your immediate supervisor regarding the break room or any other trash-laden areas.
Chapter Twelve Style Exercises: Using Transitions
Read the following essay regarding the Monroe Doctrine. Then revise the essay, inserting transitions where needed to improve the flow of ideas.
Example: The student studied all night for his chemistry test. He failed the test anyway.
Revised: The student studied all night for his chemistry test. However, he failed the test anyway.
The Monroe Doctrine was stated in an address by President James Monroe in 1823. The ideas stated in that address would greatly alter American foreign policy. President Monroe wanted to advise the European countries that America was an independent country. Many of the ideas in the doctrine came from Secretary of State John Q. Adams. Some Americans, especially those in Congress, felt that Adams had pressured Monroe to deliver this address, perhaps unwillingly.
Monroe and Adams were concerned about European countries' efforts at colonization in the Americas. They felt that America should assert itself as a strong country that would not tolerate such efforts. President Monroe made clear in his doctrine his beliefs regarding the New World and the Old World. He felt that the two should remain separate worlds. In the doctrine, Monroe declared that the Americas were no longer open for European colonization. He expressed his desire that America look after itself while Europe did the same.
Some historians believe that the doctrine was a political ploy by John Q. Adams. Adams was running for President in the upcoming election. The doctrine led America to become a world protector.
Using Topic Sentences
Read the following pairs of sentences. Mark an "X" next to the sentence in each pair that would not function as a topic sentence.
Example:
___Women have a long history with calligraphy.
X Calligraphy is another word for fancy handwriting.
___a. The American society in general has paid a high price for cigarette smoking.
___b. Cigarettes cost about three or four dollars a pack.
___a. Cigarettes contain a high amount of nicotine.
___b. Smoking cigarettes causes numerous health problems.
___a. Some cities have no laws regarding cigarette use in public places.
___b. Some cities have begun to enact laws restricting the use of cigarettes in public places.
___a. Lawyers who help sue cigarette manufacturers usually collect about forty percent of any settlement or judgment.
___b. Cigarette makers have made headlines recently after finding themselves involved in several multi-million dollar lawsuits.
___a. People who don't smoke use different tactics to convince their loved ones who do smoke to give up the habit.
___b. People who don't smoke avoid the unpleasantness of "smoker's hack" each morning.
___a. The best answer for those who wish to stop smoking is, of course, never to have started in the first place.
___b. Smokers who wish to quit smoking have many options available to help them achieve their goal.
___a. When a smoker finally becomes a nonsmoker, he or she will save money in more ways than one.
___b. Nonsmokers pay lower life insurance premiums than do smokers.
___a. Ex-smokers will discover that many aspects of their health improve dramatically as soon as they quit smoking.
____b. Quitting smoking greatly reduces one's chances of developing emphysema.
