Style Practice

To prepare for the Style Exam, do the following Style Practice exercises. List the problems you find and provide the example of the problem from the exercise (if necessary). If the exercise has more than one sentence, remember to identify the sentence in which the problem occurs.

Style Problem List

• Actor Not the Subject
• No Action in Verb
• Passive Voice
• Emphasis Error
• Language Not Specific
• Misplaced Modifier
• Dangling Modifier
• Subject/Verb Separated
• Faulty Word Choice
• Redundant Pair
• Redundant Modifier
• Phrase for a Word
• Sexist Language
• Unnecessary Words
• Fancy Language
• Negative Language
• No Old/New Pattern
• Technical Terms not at End of Sentence
• Noun Stack
• Nominalization

 

Identify the Problems in the Following Exercises and Revise the Sentences

1.  Albino squirrels, because their white color makes them easy to see, are often hurt by predatory hawks.  There are fewer albino squirrels as a result of these hawks.

 

2.  Running quickly across the road in front of a speeding car, I saw the albino squirrel. Screaming at the speeding car, the squirrel stopped and looked up.

 

3.  The university created a society for the protection of the albino squirrels on campus. Regular donations from students and local businesses fully and completely provide support for the society.

 

4.  The albino sciurus niger, or albino fox squirrel, is visually encountered on the UNT campus by students if they do not fail to pay strict attention sometimes, however.

 

5.  The albino fox squirrel protection society Chief Lieutenant’s cat ate an albino squirrel on campus. Because she is such a girly girl, she cried. She was really disturbed.

 

 

Answers

In the following answers, we have identified the style problems and provided possible rewrites. We have also included explanations after the first three exercises to ensure that you understand how to find the problems.

 

1.  Albino squirrels, because their white color makes them easy to see, are often hurt by predatory hawks.  There are fewer albino squirrels as a result of these hawks.

• Subject/Verb Separated (Sent1: squirrels/are)
• Passive Voice (Sent1: are hurt)
• Actor Not in the Subject (Sent2: There)
• Action Not in Verb (Sent1: are, Sent2: are)
• Phrase for Word (as a result)
• Redundant Modifier (Sent1: white, predatory)

Rewrite Because the color of albino squirrels enables hawks to easily see them, hawks often attack albino squirrels.  Therefore, fewer albino squirrels exist.

Explanation
Remember, passive voice consists of three parts: the “to be” verb, the past participle, and the actor not in the subject position.
“There” is never an appropriate subject. If you see “there” as a subject, always change it to the actual actor of the sentence.
The real actors/actions in the sentences are the hawks attacking and the squirrels existing.
White is a color, so “white” is redundant. Hawks are predatory animals, so “predatory” is redundant.

 

2.  Running quickly across the road in front of a speeding car, I saw the albino squirrel. Screaming at the speeding car, the squirrel stopped and looked up.

• Misplaced Modifier (Sent 1: Running…car)
• Dangling Modifier (Sent 2: Screaming…car)

Rewrite I saw the albino squirrel running across the road in front of a speeding car. I screamed at the speeding car, and the squirrel stopped and looked up.

Explanation
In the first sentence, “Running quickly across the road in front of a speeding car” could refer to either “I” or the squirrel.  In the second sentence, “Screaming at a speeding car” appears to refer to the squirrel. However, we know that the squirrel cannot scream, so the actor must be “I.”

 

3.  The university created a society for the protection of the albino squirrels on campus. Regular donations from students and local businesses fully and completely provide support for the society.

• Nominalization (protection, donations, support)
• No Old/New Pattern
• Redundant Pairs (fully and completely)

Rewrite The university created a society to protect the albino squirrels on campus. The society is fully supported by students and local businesses who donate regularly.

Explanation
The words “protection,” “donations,” and “support,” are nominalizations because you can use “protect,” “donate,” and “support” as verbs.
Because the beginning of Sentence 2 says “donations” (which is new information), I used “society” (which is old information) and passive voice in the sentence to follow the old/new pattern. (Remember to justify your word choices to your instructor if you break a style rule.)

 

4.  The albino sciurus niger, or albino fox squirrel, is visually encountered on the UNT campus by students if they do not fail to pay strict attention sometimes, however.

• Technical Terms not at End of Sentence (sciurus niger)
• Passive Voice (is encountered)
• Fancy Language (visually encountered)
• Negative Language (not)
• Emphasis Error (however)
• Language Not Specific (sometimes)
• Redundant Modifier (strict)

Rewrite The scientific name for the albino fox squirrel is sciurus niger. These albino squirrels live on the UNT campus, and students might see these squirrels if they pay attention.

 

5.  The albino fox squirrel protection society Chief Lieutenant’s cat ate an albino squirrel on campus. Because she is such a girly girl, she cried. She was really disturbed.

• Faulty Word Choice (disturbed)
• Sexist Language (girly girl)
• Unnecessary Words (really)
• Noun Stack (albino fox squirrel preservation society Chief Lieutenant)
• Passive Voice (was disturbed)

Rewrite A cat ate an albino squirrel on campus. The cat belonged to the Chief Lieutenant of the society that protects albino squirrels. The Chief Lieutenant was upset, and she cried.

 

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